This Is Kelly's Home State Right Here

I had to put this on here for my Curly Pennsylvanian, KellyPaul.

Police: Drunk Pennsylvania man tried to revive dead opossum

BY THE ASSOCIATED PRESS)
Published: March 27, 2010

PUNXSUTAWNEY - State police have charged a central Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen giving mouth-to-mouth "resuscitation" to a long-dead opossum along a highway.

Trooper Jamie Levier says several witnesses saw 55-year-old Donald Wolfe, of Brookville, near the animal along Route 36 in Oliver Township Thursday about 3 p.m. The trooper says one person saw Wolfe kneeling before the animal and gesturing as though he were conducting a seance, while another saw the mouth-to-mouth attempt.

Levier says Wolfe was "extremely intoxicated" and "did have his mouth in the area of the animal's mouth, I guess."

The Associated Press could not locate a home telephone number for Wolfe.

Oliver Township is about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.

Alas, Human Connection!

I decided to put Kelly Paul out of her misery by taking Flat Kelly to Europe with me, and then talking to her to save her from her self isolation.
My job here is done.

Isolation Day 3

I awoke this morning to a world dark and grey. As was feared, the water supply went dry before dawn. Water began flowing again only recently. By my estimates, there is enough to last until Wednesday. Then I must seek a new place to dwell.
But life has not fully left this land. Today, I saw two deer on the outskirts of the territory.
However, deer are not good conversationalists. At least I have not yet resorted to making sock puppets in order to engage in some sort of dialogue. I am not fully mad yet.
The day is still young, and I shall attempt to make contact with the outside world.
All's quiet on the northern front.

Isolation Day 2

It has been over 24 hours since the Departure. I survived the night, and it is only now that the quiet is starting to get to me. I have not started to monologue yet, but I fear that will occur before the night is over.
I look out the window, and while I see signs of civilization, they are devoid of life.
The water supply may not last long, and tomorrow I must travel into foreign territory. I have the documents so that I may pretend to be one of these "others," but I feel that they can see through my disguise. I must do what I can.
Good night, and good luck.

I Guess That's More True than a Joke.

So I can't embed this for some reason, but here's a link to an awesome Lost spoof.